Man Of The Internet

Remember that cute, little, harmless, innocent dog I mentioned that I had before? Yeah the little shit farts a lot.  Let me start of by saying he is not a massive dog, so no Great Dane or Labrador, he is not much bigger that a loaf of bread and I am sure that come cats are bigger than he is! I would expect the “fart to mass” equation to work out something like this; larger dog more space for fart, small dog less space for farts. That does not seem to be true in my case with my little dog; he punches way over his weight bracket when it comes to venting hastiness from the rear ends! I am damn sure that he builds it all up inside of him just to wait for that optimal moment to vent it all in front of me in one godawful fart. I really have no idea how he fits it all in, I’m not kidding you there is so much inside of him I’m genuinely surprised that he does not start floating away and we have to tie him down like a blimp.   Right now and with the lack of obvious floating, I’m ...

Oh boy did I not think that this would be that hard, I was wrong, very wrong. So I recently moved house and amongst other things that we needed to get curtains where amongst them. The ones I already had where either too small or worn out beyond justifying putting up much to the annoyance of my bank balance fluttering on down to zero because of the already expensive nature of moving house. I carefully unboxed my tape measure that was hidden between a set of wine glasses and a tea pot I have never used and went straight to work measuring the windows in a manner of different ways with the cocky feeling of thinking I knew what I was doing scribbling down all the measurements I needed… foreshadowing warning! After being told numerous time by the better half in the few days since we got the keys that “hanging bed sheets looks rubbish” followed by “what will our new neighbours think” I thought it be best to help appease the situation (and get the hell out of there as quick as I can) by hu...